breaking-up with myself... yeah i said it.

maybe it's me. 

i'm thinking. processing this post and this post just a bit.   

i have thought a lot about these past few years experiences.  

where my life took me from high school to college onto employment all before the age of twenty-two. 

lots of change. positive change. 

had some really great times.  happy, funny, and beautiful experiences.   

open minded, flexible and eager to learn were words that fit.

i trusted life would only get better.  goals i set became a reality.  I felt accomplished.   

which got me to here and now.  how did i get here. now. saying "i felt accomplished."?

all growth has stopped. nay, reverted.   

sure, I felt that my life had direction stepping away from college.  but, how did that day lead me to here? directionless... failure.   

what am i doing living life feeling like a failure? I ask:.  was it worth it? what lead me here, was it worth it to me?
... I don't have the answer to that. 

more importantly did i act upon the growth of those experiences and become the catalyst for change? 

honestly, no.

so maybe it's me.

i forgot i was going to change the world. i was going to make life better for others.   

i forgot how to listen to myself.  

i took for granted the liberation i felt during those last years of college.  

i forgot my passion.  lost all motivation.  forgot about the person inside.  ignored her for so long.  forgot to treat her right and tell her she is perfect the way she is.

now, I'm not very good at this but, it's over.  i don't need the dominating voice telling me "i'm nothing."  or that "no one likes me for who i am."  i don't need it to keep me down and anxious.  

i can't ignore myself.  And speaking for myself - i'm tired and done with the me i've become.
so, this is goodbye. 

this is my time.  i'm not sure what i will do.  but, the possibilities are there and if i don't go for it then i'll never know what i'm capable of being.

and yes, sweet husband - you can be my rebound ;)