Truth about Trying

The truth about trying to have a baby is, sometimes you don't have to try and it just happens.  Sometimes a couple has to try and it happens.  But, sometimes, you try and try and try and then nothing happens and you think that maybe you've missed some important step.  Then you read about everything and start to feel like you know exactly how to make it work this time, so you try again. and. still. nothing.

Infertility transcends gender.  It's not just my parts. Or just his parts.  It's us and our parts.  

It can make me feel at times angry, sad, and lonely.
Knowing that it's a combination of low infertility scores for us as a couple, leads me to fear our future plans of having children will never come true.  It's just to that point where I need people to please stop telling me to stop stressing over it.

  

Infertility is very personal.  

It's a medical condition.   

It has to do with sexuality, 

has to do with my personal views about womanhood,

his views of being a man,

our cultural views and

religious and familial views/values.

    

  

Due to this topic being hard enough to talk about openly, let me just say, I'm not asking for anyone's opinion.  In turn I will not put my opinions on your body either.  

Infertility affects marriage, family, friends, finances, work, physical health, mental health, etc., and it's present in my life at all times.  And yes, I stress over it like I would stress over any other thing that affects those areas in my life.

Nothing could have prepared me for the heartbreak that comes with an infertility diagnosis.   

For each month getting another (-).  The months after, when buying pregnancy tests never happened because I knew I was not going to be pregnant.  

For someone else announcing that they're pregnant (which feels constant, like it happens for everyone else, every other day).  Then when those announcements turn into actual babies.  Even hearing about who just had another grandchild... 

anyway, 

If you do have any advice on how to pick up the pieces of my heart that have broken from the news, or if you have the time to come over to my room and decorate like this...  I welcome that any time of the year.